Removing fear

It’s a new day

70 people stood between myself and fear, fear that I thought would always get the best of me. I found that that fear I held on to for so many years was not fear at all but more about not believing in my own abilities. The 70 people that I speak of are the people who sat in chairs with their full attention on me as I stood in front of them preparing to teach.

I thought I feared public speaking. I have always been one to remain in the background, I needed to be in the background that is where I felt most comfortable. I never desired to be in the front, I have never desired the spotlight. I care more about living in my truth and being me whether someone noticed or not.

Truth be told I am an introvert and enjoy not being the center of attention. So whenever, if ever there was an opportunity that required me to be in the front, I’d retreat and find a way not to do it. Well, It’s past time for a change. I have been licensed in the Cosmetology field for over 13 years, I have studied and continue to study in an industry that is ever changing and ever growing.

New opportunities require growth

Last year I finally positioned myself to move from behind the chair and began inspecting salons. When I got the job with the State it was an exciting change, one that I loved and needed. However, I did not realize that with this job it would require me to have to teach. Not only am I a licensed Cosmetologist, but I am also a licensed Cosmetology Instructor. Yet, I have never taught in a school setting because again, I refused to put myself in the forefront.

Having the degree was good for my resume or so I thought that was the only thing it was good for. I was actually supposed to start teaching this class 3 months after starting this job. But I kept putting it off and making up excuses to my boss as to why I couldn’t. There was fear, and insecurity and my introverted ways that kept me from moving into a vein that seems to come so easy for others.

Just do it

So what made me finally teach the class? I normally have weekends off and my daughter had Spring break coming up so I decided to have a staycation and take an additional 2 days off following the weekend to do absolutely nothing. I rested, I wrote, and just took me time. On Wednesday I worked from home yet remained in relax mode. By Thursday I had to go into the office for meetings and I remember my boss speaking to the person who was supposed to teach the class.

And out of nowhere, I said, “If you don’t want to teach it, I’ll go ahead and do it” And that’s how I ended up teaching this class. That extra rest must have done something to me, I’m not sure but I felt a level of confidence within me and it was time to conquer fear and step out of my comfort zone. Plus I was ready, I knew the craft, I knew what needed to be taught like the back of my hand. I’ve been prepared for years just didn’t know it.

Even though it was just one class, It was exhilarating, I was comfortable while I stood up there. Each person was there because they needed the information that I had. When I realized that this was not something I forced but it was something they needed to be successful in this industry that I had the tools to give it to them. I knew this was necessary and being up there had a purpose. When you walk in purpose fear no longer can hold you.

It was worth it

Today I walked into a salon as usual to inspect and there was a woman in there who was getting a service, she looked at me in surprise and said ” I just took your class, I really enjoyed your class, I learned a lot” How awesome was that? I was in there to inspect a nail shop that she didn’t even work in. She was a stylist who happened to be having a “me” day. That encounter with her made me smile.

I have to say that the environment’s and connections you allow yourself to be a part of have a lot to do with trust and stepping out of your comfort zone. What do I mean?  For me being back in Arizona, where I am from around many who I know genuinely love me has had such an impact on me. For those of you who don’t know, I lived in NC for 15 years and moved back to AZ in 2017. The move was not planned at all, it was a push from circumstances out of my control. But it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I do know this about myself that I won’t ever move on anything whether I fear it or not if I do not trust those around me or trust in my foundation.

Foundation

Loyalty, trust and strong connections are so important to me and again I know this is just about one class that I have taught but its huge for me. I needed to be back home, I had to come back to my roots to be properly nourished and rooted in soil that can breathe life back into me. To cause the creativity that once was within to start sprouting.

Quality over quantity! People who love you and not just tolerate you have an impact on your life. They cause the greatness that lies dormant in you to break free. My people are the very reason behind why a 22-year-old in 2002 left everything she knew and moved to NC where she knew no one. I had never been there before but had a dream to fulfill in this Cosmetology industry and moved to pursue that hunger and creativity. Somehow I lost me in the 15 years I was in NC mostly due to experiences, people and disappointment. But I got me back, I got my core back, sometimes you have to come back to the source that gives you life to recharge.

I’m not fearful anymore, If I am needed to be in the forefront that’s what I will do but it has to have a purpose. Life has twists and turns disappointments and pain. It’s riding the wave and constantly reflecting within to know when you are off and when you need to get things back on track. There are signs all around us we must be watchful and listen and be in tune with ourselves. Some of the worst experiences often times push us into spaces we so need to be.

It’s in that space where hope starts to rise, you begin to gain a new vision and perspective. you start to appreciate the people who are in your life and are strongly rooted. The people who are there without obligation. They need nothing from you, it’s not about what you can do for them or what they can do for you but its authentic love and respect. If I were to lose everything they’d be here. Authentic connections are everything but more so having space and freedom to become a better version of yourself is what life is all about. The betterment of you is connected to people and the richness of the soil that you are rooted in. When was the last time you checked who you are connected to? Are the people in your life attached to you because of what you can do for them? Who pushes your dreams and ignites them? If your dream was to diminish if you were to fall off how many of those around you would still rock with you and/or continue to push you?

 

 

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