The question of purpose

Nothing on this earth is promised to us, not even the air that we breathe. Every day I wrestle with the question “Why am I here?” and always there is the cliche answer of “because you have a purpose.” Do I have a purpose; what is purpose actually? And how do we arrive at this destination? Do Parent’s give purpose? Because if so I never received mine. Do you find purpose through friends or family or even coworkers? This is something that plagues my mind every single day without exaggeration.

Then in comes the spiritual individuals that claim you find purpose in God. And even though that sounds good and seems like the right on time answer to give someone I am still left with this nagging thought; that if that is, in fact, the answer to the question about purpose then how are so many living and breathing and functioning on this Earth who has no idea of God? They don’t live for him don’t believe that there is just one god and yet their lives are thriving successfully. They are building and producing and elevating in careers and dreams and visions and working hard doing it.

They are in fact living out their heart’s desire which would seem as if that is, in fact, their purpose. Why? because it’s touching people, its changing people, and its helping people. So I am struggling with the idea that purpose only comes through one’s knowledge or acceptance of God. So again I’m left asking the question of what is the purpose and where do you find it? Does everyone have a purpose? In a world that is not supposed to be forever an Earth that an end is supposed to come to it. Makes you question why was life established, to begin with only for life to end?

I was born into a world without my consent to dream big or small only to die and have no way of knowing how I impacted this world? Many people die every day and there are memorials built and centered around these people. With many pouring out their love and adoration to this person who has no ears to hear what is being said and more often than not had no idea while they were here on the Earth how these people felt. And then after a week, all the hype of the person is gone and people carry on with their lives. What purpose is this for?

If everything on the earth is to come to ruins why then do we progress to do anything? The older that I get the more I’m perplexed at life and how we are supposed to be grateful and cherish a thing WE. DID. NOT. ASK. FOR. There is a deep place within me that begs for truth and understanding yet I never find it. So I’m living life but living burdened with a weight that I have no choice but to carry. The weight of uncertainty. All of this to prove Good vs evil, all of this to have to choose between two natures that were birthed with you despite you.  It’s enough to cause anyone to go crazy.

To be born and commissioned to find a purpose or an assignment that you have no say in only for most to fail in the pursuit of it. For many believe that they have found it but have they really? I feel like Solomon “[all]is fleeting.”

Purpose, why is there a need for it if it serves nothing when you die? Maybe some of you can give me insight and please for the love of all things sane refrain from over spiritualizing. Just be raw and real if you are going to speak. I’m at a point where I don’t desire to be fed what people think or what they hope or what they feel. I’d much rather someone say they just don’t know or that they have had the same questions or that they, in fact, have an authentic answer.

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