Today I had a thought that maybe I’m on reserve. And as I thought about this, I began to think to myself, “What the hell you mean on reserve V?” So, of course, being the person that I am every time a word crosses my mind, I leap my happy ass to a dictionary. Why do I look words up? I’m so glad you asked, well for one a lot of times I’ll know or have an idea what a word means but there has always been a need to make sure I can get a better understanding of the fullness of the word and in what tone is the word used in the context of my thought. And since I’m too lazy to get up out my bed of comfort to get a dictionary, I used that great technological device called a cell phone and used my close friend Google. According to Google, the word reserve means to refrain from using, to keep back, or to put to one side. Another meaning suggested it is a supply of a commodity not needed for immediate use but available if required. Then I said “self,” and the self said, “what?” I needed to know what the hell commodity meant, and good ole Google suggests that a commodity is a useful or valuable thing, such as water or time.
Hmmmmm, So you know your girl started looking at her self like oh snap! You’ve been a commodity all this time. Do you know how freakin valuable you are? So expensive, your presence will be like water to the man who enters your life. (insert praise break or a twerk break, whichever one you can get back up from) Your water will be nourishment and vital to helping his development. Did you know that you are woman and women are birthers, women give life? He has to be able to have the capacity to hold what I am qualified to offer because if he is not, my water will drown him. I am on reserve indeed. I have been set aside, and because I have been put aside, I must recognize that I’m not forgotten, and timing in my life is just as important as breathing. There are many women in this world, yet not one of them can provide my gifting, skill, character, and my personality, and just everything I’m to provide.
Now I understand why relationships don’t come easy for me and why I’d rather be alone and by myself rather than attempting to meet and allow men to take up space in my life unnecessarily. I understand why I’m okay with being single and not engaging in wasteful connections that will not give a return on my investment. When you know the purpose and what power you possess, you don’t give it away freely, and you are willing to let go of any and everyone who does not meet the standard. I’m challenging for a reason because the one meant for me will cause me to soften and open so that he can gain access to all the fullness God has put in me to be his helpmeet. Why? Because without me, his next level remains locked, and without him, my ability to love freely is halted. He’s out there, and I’m in no rush; our time will come when the season is right. Until then, I remain on reserve perfecting and fixing self so that when he comes, I’m whole and rid of the baggage of past mistakes. He deserves a whole me, not a half. Level up!