Bodying Bodies

I knew that I was too old school for this generation’s idea of “dating” when it became hard to have a decent conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Something has changed, and I’m not quite sure when it turned. It’s like I woke up one day, and everything was different. Courting has become taboo, and getting to know someone on a deeper level has become obsolete. Sex has always been a part of the male and female dynamic; however, I feel as if sex and lust have become the forerunner and driving force behind why men pursue and why women oblige.

If sex were taken away from the equation, many wouldn’t even have the relationships, partnerships, even marriages that they have. When you peel back the layers and the sheets and have to be in the presence of a person fully clothed mentally, spiritually, and physically it will force you to see a person for who they are. One of the dangers of dating today is this “friend with benefits” syndrome (FWB). It’s killing love, authenticity, intimacy, bonds, and connections that could go far beyond the shallow waters. Nobody wants to commit; no one wants to close the door of their past and create a strong foundation with just one person. Instead, this (FWB) allows people to come in and out as they please. That personal attachment and commitment will no longer be agreed upon. It’s creating a lack of trust and unnecessary heartbreak because many feel that they can handle “just” being friends yet do not realize that sex all by itself brings attachment. One that is hard to break from even if you don’t love the person.

And so you attach yourself to this one and that one, and you have this vast body of people you don’t even love or care for beyond the bedroom. And even if you do begin to feel something towards that individual, it isn’t real; it’s sexual. The sad part is when you meet one that you would even attempt to go the distance with you cant because there’s a grave of all these dead bodies you still have hanging around as “friends,” which is bringing death to the relationship you want to build with someone else. You can not move forward, carrying dead weight. Many aren’t even capable of being single for real, meaning single without actually sexing everyone they meet. Contrary to popular belief, you aren’t single; if you are still sleeping around, there is an attachment happening. How can you give of yourself to someone when so many pieces of you are already taken? What happened to just dating to get to know each other without the involvement of sex? So that when you’re in front of a person getting to know them, your judgment is not clouded due to what they do to you in the bedroom? Sex will have you holding on to a situation longer than needed. And the sad part is is that many are having sex just so that they can say they have someone. Why? Why are we so caught up in need to have someone, anyone in our presence, even if they aren’t a good fit for our lives? We sacrifice a few moments or even hours of pleasure for our sanity and our peace—no wonder why people are walking around hurt and confused, bitter, and callous. Now don’t mistake it; you can be hurt without having sex because we are human, and we feel and have emotion, but there is a higher risk of adding sex to the equation prematurely. You regularly give pieces of you away that you can’t get back.

If you want to be friends with someone, then just be friends for real don’t call it a friendship, and its a “friends with benefits” situation. Hell, anyone can be cool and sleep with you. Anyone can make you feel at ease and give you that “fun” feeling, but at what cost? When does wanting to settle down and build with someone matter? When does love come in to play? Why can’t you be single have fun with friends but keep yourself from having to body so many bodies? Most people who claim to have such friends, for the most part, don’t even realize those aren’t genuine friendships.  It’s only a matter of time that FWB will end up hurting you. Some friends who are real friends remain, and sometimes you can’t know if the friendship is genuine until that person gets in a relationship. And I’ve learned that things I see others won’t always see. I’ve learned that my perspective on things won’t always be other’s perspectives. I’m just for one getting too old to play the game. I want to get to know people without sacrificing my body. I’ve done that too many times.

Sex is not hard to find or get. But what else do you bring? What else do you have to offer besides sexual pleasure? Because if that’s what makes you who you are and if that is what chooses your women or men or your relationships that will screw you every time. Will sex happen, of course, that’s a significant part of sealing the deal but get to know people first beyond that. I guarantee you take that away, and you’ll realize you don’t have as much in common with the individuals you so believe that you do. Singleness is a gift, and if that is mastered and we become comfortable with ourselves, it will make choosing a partner easier. I can make myself orgasm, so at the end of the day, how do you make my life better with you in it? I am looking for purpose, how do we fit together, and how can we build and create a legacy that goes beyond us to our children’s children? Why are you here in my presence is the question, how can I benefit from you? What do you have that I need and can’t get on my own? Where the hell has all the men gone that can control their urges as well as themselves? Ask yourself when the last time you were single was? When was the last time you didn’t jump from one person to the next? Can you even say you haven’t had sex in 6 months? We fast from so many things except sex. Maybe a sexual cleanse is needed. Selah!

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