Anger Management

I look at my life and wonder why I am like this—angry.
There have been many times I’ve lashed out in frustration and anger at the people I cared about most, because I was hurt.
My emotions got the best of me, and my tongue became a weapon.

Time and time again, I find myself feeling guilty.
I’ve conjured up some wild idea in my head—some perceived wrongdoing someone did to me.
Usually, the offense is smaller than what my mind makes it out to be.
Sometimes, it’s exactly what I imagined.
And often, rage has its way with me.

I’ve blown up so many times that saying, “I’m sorry,” has become a joke to the hearer.
Because the history with me is: she’ll only do it again.
So, I don’t say sorry anymore.
I say what I say—and that’s that.

I find myself in tears,
Crying out to God, pleading for help.
And in the quietness of my spirit, I hear a voice say,
“Deal with your anger.”
“Control your fleeting emotions.”

He offers no pity party,
No sympathy—just a firm rebuke for my inability to bring my emotions under control.
I’m turning my anger into wrath—
And wrath does not produce the righteousness of God.

I’ve used my tongue to defile a vessel of flesh made in His image.
Instead of asking God for wisdom on how to handle my frustration,
I removed myself from His covering—
And walked in disobedience,
Taking vengeance into my own hands.

But he said, “Deal with your anger.”
To do that, I must first admit that I’m struggling—
That anger has become my master.

You can’t run from the problem
Once you’ve been confronted by the very One who has the power to grace you to get free from it.

I realized I had work to do.
That I was about to embark on a journey
That would require hard realizations—and tears.

In my foolishness,
God still saw fit to show me a better way.
And I agreed to take the journey with Him as He leads me to victory.

But before I could go,
I asked God to shield the hearts of each person my words were meant to scar.
I asked Him not to allow my words, spoken in ignorance and anger—
To penetrate their hearts and minds.
To place a covering of protection and resilience around them.
That they would sleep and wake in peace,
Unharmed by what I’ve said.

Because once you speak,
Words can’t be taken back.
But I believe God can shield a heart from being pierced.

Many who struggle with anger know:
If provoked, the damage could be devastating to others.
So they retreat—remove themselves from the situation entirely.
It may seem cold or standoffish,
But in reality, it’s a form of protection—
To keep their anger from taking them to a place they can’t return from.

Freedom comes from acknowledgment.
But more importantly, from being rooted in safe ground.
Healing can’t truly begin
Until you’re placed in a safe environment to heal.

Allow God to anchor you.
His word gives life—
If you allow it to be your teacher.

The journey continues.

-Velma