. I often look at my daughter’s, especially the more that they get older. I am understanding the need to make sure that I set an example for them to realize what is acceptable when it comes to men and what’s not. It’s a great responsibility being a mother to daughters; the playing field is different.
Some women are okay with going with the flow when it comes to the men in their lives. They are okay with being in long term relationships without any kind of commitment. Allowing their children to get attached to men who have no intention of providing a stable environment for them or their children. Some women are okay with not asking the question to these men “Where is this going?” “What are we doing?” etc.
When you have children, the responsibility is higher, especially the older they get. They began to notice more things you may have been able to hide or brush under the rug when they were younger that you can no longer do as they age and are still in your house. Your children, especially daughters, can sense when you are irritated when you are frustrated and when you are hurting. They can also recognize the treatment of the person you are with, whether good or bad, no matter how much you try to hide it.
Women should be careful not to allow a man to come in and not fully commit. He should be able to tell you where you both are going, what the expectations are regarding being in each other’s lives. Why continue to engage with this person without the certainty of your future together? You are setting the stage to allow your daughters to allow that same behavior when they begin dating. Let’s face it children do what we do and what they see us do not what we say or tell them to do.
I would rather be single and tell my daughters the reasons why I am single and why I am waiting and why if I do meet someone what my expectations are and help them to understand that no man should be allowed to waste their time. Not every relationship will end up with a proposal or wedding, I get that, but there should still be a level of understanding as to what you all are doing. And if and when I do decide to date someone and bring him around my children they will know if a man is here it is because he is here for the long haul, he is here to commit.
This thing that goes on where a woman asks questions and the man gets defensive is outrages. She has every right to ask questions. Why? Because she has a right to decide as to whether the guy she is engaging with is worth her investment. The problem is that men and women will meet and just start kicking it, and then weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and what usually happens is that the woman opens up and allows her emotions to get involved and never questions the situation. The guy continues in it as well while at the same time dealing with other women because, to him, he never was looking for a committed relationship. However, he was never questioned or called out on it by the women, so why fix something that isn’t broken?
Now I’m not saying on a first damn date start asking stupid out of pocket questions. But if you have spent some time with a person for a few months or an extended amount of time. (hopefully, you haven’t slept with him by this time) Then within those months, it does not hurt to ask, “where do you see this going?” Why wait a year or two or more to ask? It just may be that Y’all aren’t compatible to be in a relationship but rather to be great at actually being friends. If you stop the foolishness early, you can proceed in the realm of what is most beneficial for you and your involvement.
This eliminates unnecessary heartache and hurt. Most of the time, men will go with the flow; they have no reason to make anything serious. As women, we set the standard, and we set the tone of whatever relationship we find ourselves in. We either make it easier for the next women or hard. And what I mean by that is, the higher the standard, the less bullshit the next women have to deal with because you set the standard. But instead, we have women putting up with any and everything, and then when that same man comes to someone like me, I’m called a bitch or hard to deal with or crazy when in actuality, I’m setting a standard. You can’t just come in my life and think you can do whatever you want. I value me, and if you’re going to be in my life, you are going to appreciate me and my time and my heart as well, or you will be kicked to the curb. Period!
We have a responsibility to our daughters. I believe having a standard will at least keep you from a lot more foolishness than what would be if you had no standard. We have to do better, and we have to be okay with being without someone in our beds to hold us for the sake of companionship because it’s ruining our own and our daughter’s outlook on relationships. I stress this so much there has to be a purpose as to why you allow someone in your life. Don’t let people just take up residence, and you haven’t assigned them to a position in your life that warrants your need for them. Ultimately what can they give you that you can not give yourself? How will they benefit your children? Because at the end of the day you are a package deal, it’s not just you. And there is no way I’m going to allow someone to come in and uproot the parenting, the teaching the educating, the long days and nights making sure my daughters have the tools to be great in this life by wasting my time and theirs.